I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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