oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
