Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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