I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
