You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
