I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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