so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
