Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
