This girl is more easily done than said...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
