I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
