is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
