The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just found puke in my bra..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
