Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
