apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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