i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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