Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Still dying that you shit outside
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
