i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
