how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
