you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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