Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
