Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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