Cold hands, warm shart.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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