Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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