I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
