so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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