Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
