Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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