please come you make the beer taste better
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
