and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My ATM looks so different sober.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
