im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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