is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
