i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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