I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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