Swine flu is the new snow day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
