I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You're so nebulous sometimes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
