grandma shit on top of the toilet
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
