Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize