You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
