I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
