She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
