i barfeds in our rink
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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