Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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