y did u give ur computer a hand job?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
