Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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