I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
