Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize