I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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