i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
