Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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