from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
