sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
