Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
