I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
