He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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