I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
