You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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