I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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