I just gift wrapped bread.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
