"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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