please come you make the beer taste better
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
