well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
