Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no you cant smoke seaweed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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