get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
