Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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