the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
