ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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